Too Much Forged in Fire?

  • You might be watching too much Forged in Fire if:

  • Your kids are making a fortune selling snow cones, as there is a constant supply of chopped ice.

  • You can't watch TV because the satellite dish is in the back yard filled with coal.

  • You walk into the kitchen to see why Sunday dinner is late, to find a $35 roast beast hanging from the ceiling, your wife wielding a knife in each hand, watching a youtube clip of Doug Marcaida.

  • The beater car in your neighbor's backyard seems to be walking away piece by piece - first the leaf springs, then the axle …

  • Neighborhood cats are dragging cleanly sliced fish heads to someplace where the two of them can be alone.

  • Most of the trees in the backyard have been reduced to branchless poles, creating the look of an abandoned settlement.

  • Instead of calming ocean sounds to sleep by, your white noise generator produces a numbing hammer to anvil clanking, backed up by 3-part neighing & whinnying.

  • You've begun wearing a kilt/toolbelt combo around the house, with remotes, beer and snacks in the pockets.

  • You no longer shake hands or wave, but instead greet and acknowledge people with palms together and a nod. Namaste.

  • You start looking for a new house … near the junkyard.

  • At bedtime you stand at the bottom of the stairs and yell, "5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Put your toys down children - play time is over. Return to the bathroom to brush your teeth and get ready for bed. You will have ten minutes to complete this task, starting . . . . . . . . . now!."

  • You can't do laundry because the washing machine is filled with quench oil.

  • The local FD has you on speed dial.

  • While working on a presentation with your team at work, you acknowledge each good idea by saying, "That will keel".

Gerry Mander and the Trumpetttes

"The Court today [Monday, June 25] goes out of its way to permit the State of Texas to use maps that the three-judge District Court unanimously found were adopted for the purpose of preserving the racial discrimination that tainted its previous maps." - Justice Sonia Sotomayor

We redefined the district maps because "electing Republicans is better than electing Democrats" - N.C. State Rep. David Lewis

In a land where a man wearing a white shirt and a blue tie displays all the colors of our flag, Lewis' admission is no more a big deal than fellow GOP State Rep. Mark Brody calling striking teachers making 17% less than the national average "thugs". As arrogant as a cat impatiently waiting by her empty milk dish, Lewis' statement is also indicative of just how little some things have changed in Dixie since the '70s - the 1870s.

The common thread in the Court's gerrymandering decisions this term has been to largely allow states more flexibility and influence in drawing congressional and state district lines. These decisions appear to be in line with a Homeland Security initiative signed in May of this year that calls for the relocation of residents for the purpose of preserving national security, or at the discretion of the President.

It is not clear if the Relocation Centers that have recently sprung up across the country were initially constructed as a result of the Homeland Security directive or for holding families immigrating from Mexico as previously indicated. Multiple reports indicate that these camps, where exiled souls are encouraged to "concentrate on what it means to be a good citizen and member of the grand ol' Party", seem to have many more colonists living within their combined walls then could possibly be accounted for by the number of people recently captured at the border.

For weeks there have been reports of clandestine invitations to a special think tank session being extended to our foremost less-conventional scientists and theorists, apparently also in the name of national security. Experts in global warming and climate change, rockets and weaponry, ancient aliens and History comprise the majority of the nation's scholars currently unaccounted for. As confirmed by three anonymous sources with an uncommonly consistent recounting of events, individuals that declined the invitation were aboard their outbound trains as scheduled nonetheless.

As Pullmans filled with many of our intellectuals speed across the plains, perhaps to cogitate in underground caverns, busload after busload of what appear to mostly Hispanic people have been observed heading south. When questioned about the apparent exodus, Attorney General Jeff Sessions would only respond by quoting Genesis 28:15, which reads, "Behold, I am with you and will keep you wherever you go, and will bring you back to this land. For I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you."

Additionally, hundreds of thousands of families have been ordered to either report to a Relocation Center or swap residences - lock, stock & AR-15 - with another household. The changes in the affected political spectrum are projected to have a dynamic impact on upcoming election results. When asked if these mass relocations were for the purpose of skewing elections, the President responded simply, "It'll make things easier for us, yes."

In non-related news, the Department of Education has informed all school districts that previously used Science and History books are to be sent to an address in Montana, and that new textbooks entitled "A Christian Book of Science" and "The History of America as told by Jesus" will be purchased for use at each grade level. Furthermore, beginning in second grade, a new subject - Party Government - shall be included in each grade's curriculum, utilizing the textbook entitled "Work Sets You Free".

High School students will also be required to purchase and read President Trump's bestseller, "My Struggle - You Have No Idea!"

A graduate of Portland State University, Steve (Reeno) Kloser is the author of Beginning Band - A Guide to Success and Let's Make Music - Classroom Recorder Course. He is also an accomplished teacher, conductor and composer, having penned numerous pieces including La Vida and Fly With Me.

Teacher, cook, Packers fan and proud American, Reeno's usually slanted outlook often presents an unlikely perspective on issues old and new.

Reeno currently lives in Portland, OR.

Follow Reeno on Twitter

Some Will Go To College - All Will Go Through Life complete as a .pdf
School is for Winning
as a .pdf

Tritler and the Party of Trump
posted Jul 11, 18

The Malicious Commish
posted Jul 02, 18

The Tacet Underground
posted Jun 20, 18

All Hail the Chancellor
posted Jun 15, 18

Trump and the Big Leagues
posted Jun 11, 18

Bogus Commission on School Safety
posted Jun 08, 18

To Insure Promptness in the Age of Entitlement
posted May 31, 18

LBGTQ Housing
posted May 27, 18

Timeless Trump
posted May 24, 18

Being Mean to Kids!
posted May 22, 18

R.E.S.P.E.C.T. for Professors and Teachers
posted May 20, 18

School is for Winning
posted May 16, 18

The League You Need
posted May 12, 18

Just Login
posted May 09, 18

Seven Words
posted May 04, 18

Some Go To College - All Go Through Life pt1
posted Apr 20, 18

Some Go To College - All Go Through Life pt2
posted Apr 19, 18

Some Go To College - All Go Through Life pt3
posted Apr 18, 18

Zombie Pedestrians
posted Apr 18, 18

Leaders in School
posted Apr 04, 18

Opiates - Hey Doc! A Little Help Please
posted Mar 19, 18

The Grass is NOT Always Greener
posted Mar 14, 18

Teachers and the Sun
posted Mar 13, 18

Can Social Media Contribute to Mental Health Issues?
posted Mar 08, 18

Hope - A Beautiful Sight
posted Feb 28, 18

All You Need is Love … and enough money
posted Feb 24, 18

Teachers and Guns
posted Feb 22, 18

posted Feb 21, 18

I don't (k)NO(w)
posted Feb 20, 18

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Helmet to Helmet HIts Must Go
posted Feb 06, 18

Software Abuse
posted Jan 15, 18
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