Press Release (RP)

Sochi, Krasnodar Krai (RP) - The now-disbanded "Voting Integrity Commission" launched by the Trump administration uncovered no evidence to support claims of major voter fraud, according to an analysis of administration documents released Friday. Once translated into English, the documents revealed that the highly-touted team, led by Russian mathematician Gregor Yukuvlevich Perlman, discussed the possibilities for over an hour at each of the bimonthly meetings that ran from January through March in the picturesque resort town overlooking the Black Sea.

The conclusion that no major fraud occurred seems to have left a void of information about whether minor voter fraud occurred, what the difference between major and minor voter fraud might be and how well major and minor translate into Russian. When questioned about this discrepancy the translator had to excuse herself for personal reasons, and Perlman - whose ability to speak English tends to fluctuate - was unable to effectively communicate well enough to finish the press conference.

Washington, DC (RP) - A "Federal Commission on School Safety" has been launched by the Trump administration in response to the increasing number of tragedies involving guns, students and teachers. Department of Education Chief Betsy DeVos announced that the newly-formed commission will not look at the role of guns in school violence, disregarding the fact that so far in 2018, at the rate of one incident per week, school shootings have caused the death of at least thirty-seven students and adults, as well as at least thirty-one serious injuries.

The Education Honcho also is seeking to eliminate 29 discretionary programs and declares that "our commitment to spending taxpayer dollars wisely and efficiently by consolidating and eliminating duplicative and ineffective federal programs that are better handled at the state or local level." In other words, 'Instead of working to make education more effective by consolidating and standardizing and regulating our nation's education at the national level, I choose to continue to cop out, put my head in the sand, be a traitor to the very concept of education and admit that dutifully doing the job I am being paid to do is way beyond me or anyone on my team.'

Menlo Park, CA (RP) - Mark Zuckerberg was admitted into Stanford Hospital today suffering from stress-induced heart palpitations after an historic and impassioned plea from President Obama has reduced traffic on facebook by more than half! In his twenty-minute address on national TV, President Obama masterfully explained how the Russians were able to affect our last election and how they might be planning to again interfere in what may be the most important election in our nation's history.

Our forty-fourth president also detailed how Zuckerberg and others have amassed fortunes by duping America and the world into being his product, for which he pays nothing, while selling them and selling to them. Obama's pleas to not log into facebook at least until after the election have hit home with a large percentage of the electorate, leaving facebook personnel reeling, as this company built on little more than air and an idea possesses nothing tangible upon which to stand.

NYC, NY (RP) - Roger Goodell delivered his "State of the League" address yesterday, emphasizing the strength and health of the NFL. The bewildered Commissioner focused on player safety, claiming "We can remove the violence from an inherently violent game without adversely affecting the product", comparing the negligibly noticeable difference between drinking a non-alcoholic beer and imbibing in your favorite draught. This, about a game in which one of the primary goals is to hurl a participant to the ground against their will.

Goodell also defended his continued attempts to place a team in London in hope of securing his legacy as the Commissioner that made football a global sport, despite the clear indications that Europe loves soccer, few NFL players want to live in England, the 'N' in 'NFL' stands for 'National' or that the sport -while still popular - is clearly in decline, making further expansion a fool's game.

Washington, DC (RP) - Protests unlike any we have seen since the days of Nixon hiding in his office and peering at America's youth through parted curtains continue in DC as thousands of demonstrators chanted "Real News. Fake President." The group repeated the mantra for close to twelve non-stop hours today before finally breaking for the evening.

An eerie feeling of a creepy Halloween tinted the day, as trump masks, memes, altered photos and a wave of orange wigs dotted and decorated the landscape. It was reported that upon viewing the uprising the president's initial response was to claim a win for himself, seeing it as a sign that America unmistakably loves him and his hair! Accordingly, plans to construct a one-panel White House Walk of Fame with a new bigger star commemorating trump's achievements during and before his time in the White House were quickly drawn and funded; construction has begun.



NEA Declares General Strike!

If I were a kid or a teacher in America, as I have been in the past, I would not want to go to school tomorrow. If I found myself there anyway, I'm sure I would spend half the day looking over my shoulder to see if there was a kid with an assault rifle coming down the hallway. It is beyond shameful that in this great country, loudly proclaiming "America First", kids are last. Our children are collateral damage along the path of payoffs, bribes, backroom deals and gentlemen's agreements. Of all the despicable things the current occupant of the White House is - and the list is long and varied - being a lackey for the NRA is the worst. Anyone with a shred of a human soul remaining and the power to affect change that is not in the pocket of the NRA would be compelled to do so.

The bigger problem is lobbyists in general. Lobbyists are the single biggest detriment to democracy in this nation. They routinely sway policy contrary to public opinion, desire and mandates while lining the pockets the of the very officials we elected to take care of us and our interests, and not the interests of big tobacco, big pharma, big oil and the NRA. Everyone seems to assume that lobbyists are supposed to be running around with unlimited expense accounts and no scruples about how to use them; that they are part of the system. New Flash! They are the corrupt part of the system! Lobbyists need to be outlawed, but of course that won't happen, because the lobbyists will lobby against it.

In the meantime our children and teachers are being slaughtered. We salute the young people that are standing up and talking back and calling bullshit on this disgusting, disgraceful lack of courageous (or any) action on the part of our leaders. The sit-ins and lay-ins and meetings are inspiring, but they will not disrupt things enough to prompt our representatives to take action.

If the NEA took a stand, and informed Congress that America's teachers would not report to work until they felt that updated gun laws (including the elimination of assault weapons for non-military personnel) were put in place in order to create a safer environment for students and teachers, Congress might pay attention.

Teachers tend to be overworked and underpaid. The last thing they want to do is forgo a paycheck (or several!) But anything short of a complete shutdown is not going to affect Congress at all. They'll just pull the curtains and tune it out. Now, if teachers don't go to school, kids can't go to school. If kids can't go to school, parents can't go to work. If parents can't go to work, the country starts grinding to a halt. Even the biggest 'friends' of the NRA are only going to be able to listen for so long to their constituents complain about the real hardship that is being caused before they finally do something.

I suppose that if the NEA amazingly found some collective cajones and did this, they could be vilified. It would place parents at hardship. However if you put yourself in the place of a teacher faced with a storm of bullets headed toward you and your students, with a split second to decide if you will sacrifice yourself for the sake of these kids, and in doing so leave your own kids fatherless or motherless, what would you do? Is there any rationale for putting our teachers in that position? If the teachers did walk out, would you really blame them? Wouldn't the inconvenience be for the best interest of your and all our kids? And worth it?

Drastic times require drastic measures. If the definition of insanity is repeating the same action while expecting a different result, then we are insane to expect Congress to act unless we create a big mess. NEA - I have tried to come up with another solution, but I fear it is up to you. Teach us how to stand up and get things done. Please.

A graduate of Portland State University, Steve (Reeno) Kloser is the author of Beginning Band - A Guide to Success and Let's Make Music - Classroom Recorder Course. He is also an accomplished teacher, conductor and composer, having penned numerous pieces including La Vida and Fly With Me.

Teacher, cook, Packers fan and proud American, Reeno's usually slanted outlook often presents an unlikely perspective on issues old and new.

Reeno currently lives in Portland, OR.


Follow Reeno on Twitter

Some Will Go To College - All Will Go Through Life complete as a .pdf
School is for Winning
as a .pdf

Space Force One?
posted Aug 10, 18

Real News. Fake President.
posted Aug 06, 18

Mortgaging our Future
Time for an Education Revolution

posted Aug 02, 18

Booze - Yay!
posted Jul 29, 18

How About Some Age Limits?
posted Jul 24, 18

Too Much Forged in Fire?
posted Jul 17, 18

Tritler and the Party of Trump
posted Jul 11, 18

The Malicious Commish
posted Jul 02, 18

Gerry Mander and the Trumpettes
posted Jun 26, 18

The Tacet Underground
posted Jun 20, 18

All Hail the Chancellor
posted Jun 15, 18

Trump and the Big Leagues
posted Jun 11, 18

Bogus Commission on School Safety
posted Jun 08, 18

To Insure Promptness in the Age of Entitlement
posted May 31, 18

LBGTQ Housing
posted May 27, 18

Timeless Trump
posted May 24, 18

Being Mean to Kids!
posted May 22, 18

R.E.S.P.E.C.T. for Professors and Teachers
posted May 20, 18

School is for Winning
posted May 16, 18

The League You Need
posted May 12, 18

Just Login
posted May 09, 18

Seven Words
posted May 04, 18

Some Go To College - All Go Through Life pt1
posted Apr 20, 18

Some Go To College - All Go Through Life pt2
posted Apr 19, 18

Some Go To College - All Go Through Life pt3
posted Apr 18, 18

Zombie Pedestrians
posted Apr 18, 18

Leaders in School
posted Apr 04, 18

Opiates - Hey Doc! A Little Help Please
posted Mar 19, 18

The Grass is NOT Always Greener
posted Mar 14, 18

Teachers and the Sun
posted Mar 13, 18

Can Social Media Contribute to Mental Health Issues?
posted Mar 08, 18

Hope - A Beautiful Sight
posted Feb 28, 18

All You Need is Love … and enough money
posted Feb 24, 18

Teachers and Guns
posted Feb 22, 18

I don't (k)NO(w)
posted Feb 20, 18

Dear ESPN
posted Feb 18, 18

Helmet to Helmet HIts Must Go
posted Feb 06, 18

Software Abuse
posted Jan 15, 18
Alphabetical Listing

All material posted within this website ©2017 - 2018.
Unauthorized duplication or reproduction is forbidden.
Please with questions or comments.

For reliable information about marijuana, click to TruthAboutPot.org

Image of the moon by Central Meridian Photography