Press Release (RP)

Sochi, Krasnodar Krai (RP) - The now-disbanded "Voting Integrity Commission" launched by the Trump administration uncovered no evidence to support claims of major voter fraud, according to an analysis of administration documents released Friday. Once translated into English, the documents revealed that the highly-touted team, led by Russian mathematician Gregor Yukuvlevich Perlman, discussed the possibilities for over an hour at each of the bimonthly meetings that ran from January through March in the picturesque resort town overlooking the Black Sea.

The conclusion that no major fraud occurred seems to have left a void of information about whether minor voter fraud occurred, what the difference between major and minor voter fraud might be and how well major and minor translate into Russian. When questioned about this discrepancy the translator had to excuse herself for personal reasons, and Perlman - whose ability to speak English tends to fluctuate - was unable to effectively communicate well enough to finish the press conference.

Washington, DC (RP) - A "Federal Commission on School Safety" has been launched by the Trump administration in response to the increasing number of tragedies involving guns, students and teachers. Department of Education Chief Betsy DeVos announced that the newly-formed commission will not look at the role of guns in school violence, disregarding the fact that so far in 2018, at the rate of one incident per week, school shootings have caused the death of at least thirty-seven students and adults, as well as at least thirty-one serious injuries.

The Education Honcho also is seeking to eliminate 29 discretionary programs and declares that "our commitment to spending taxpayer dollars wisely and efficiently by consolidating and eliminating duplicative and ineffective federal programs that are better handled at the state or local level." In other words, 'Instead of working to make education more effective by consolidating and standardizing and regulating our nation's education at the national level, I choose to continue to cop out, put my head in the sand, be a traitor to the very concept of education and admit that dutifully doing the job I am being paid to do is way beyond me or anyone on my team.'

Menlo Park, CA (RP) - Mark Zuckerberg was admitted into Stanford Hospital today suffering from stress-induced heart palpitations after an historic and impassioned plea from President Obama has reduced traffic on facebook by more than half! In his twenty-minute address on national TV, President Obama masterfully explained how the Russians were able to affect our last election and how they might be planning to again interfere in what may be the most important election in our nation's history.

Our forty-fourth president also detailed how Zuckerberg and others have amassed fortunes by duping America and the world into being his product, for which he pays nothing, while selling them and selling to them. Obama's pleas to not log into facebook at least until after the election have hit home with a large percentage of the electorate, leaving facebook personnel reeling, as this company built on little more than air and an idea possesses nothing tangible upon which to stand.

NYC, NY (RP) - Roger Goodell delivered his "State of the League" address yesterday, emphasizing the strength and health of the NFL. The bewildered Commissioner focused on player safety, claiming "We can remove the violence from an inherently violent game without adversely affecting the product", comparing the negligibly noticeable difference between drinking a non-alcoholic beer and imbibing in your favorite draught. This, about a game in which one of the primary goals is to hurl a participant to the ground against their will.

Goodell also defended his continued attempts to place a team in London in hope of securing his legacy as the Commissioner that made football a global sport, despite the clear indications that Europe loves soccer, few NFL players want to live in England, the 'N' in 'NFL' stands for 'National' or that the sport -while still popular - is clearly in decline, making further expansion a fool's game.

Washington, DC (RP) - Protests unlike any we have seen since the days of Nixon hiding in his office and peering at America's youth through parted curtains continue in DC as thousands of demonstrators chanted "Real News. Fake President." The group repeated the mantra for close to twelve non-stop hours today before finally breaking for the evening.

An eerie feeling of a creepy Halloween tinted the day, as trump masks, memes, altered photos and a wave of orange wigs dotted and decorated the landscape. It was reported that upon viewing the uprising the president's initial response was to claim a win for himself, seeing it as a sign that America unmistakably loves him and his hair! Accordingly, plans to construct a one-panel White House Walk of Fame with a new bigger star commemorating trump's achievements during and before his time in the White House were quickly drawn and funded; construction has begun.

Some Go To College - All Go Through Life
Part Two: What About Jane?

On an autumn day in September of 1962, President John Kennedy challenged a nation to do the impossible and send a man to the moon in just seven short years. Perhaps the thing he his best remembered for other than his unfortunate death, we take his declaration for granted. What is interesting is that at a time before digital calculators and watches, before microwave ovens and before TV shows were regularly broadcast in color, the audience at Rice University did not greet his proclamation that "We choose to go to the moon" with incredulousness, or appear to wonder how such a monumental goal might be achieved, but instead greeted it with eager applause and giddy enthusiasm.

Walt Disney and Dr. Wernher von Braun - GPN-2000-000060President Kennedy felt emboldened to make his pronouncement and a nation felt empowered to support him because they had already seen how it would work; it was real to them. Traveling through space had been explained, diagramed and animated by the genius behind the propulsion system NASA still employs today, Werner von Braun, with the help of America's biggest space enthusiast Walt Disney and his TV series, 'Man in Space'.
Without Walt and his Imagineers making von Braun's vision tangible to an entire nation including a then young Senator from Massachusetts, the unifying energy and enthusiasm that drove a technologically nascent nation to accomplish such a feat may never have materialized.

We need to spend a lot more on education.
For decades now, voters have been periodically asked to pay more tax to fund the same schools and get the same results, which news stories and articles like this one remind them, aren't very good. It is tiresome and obviously ineffective.

Secondary education needs to be re-imagined from the top down based on what is required to give our youth and our nation the best chance to not only compete in the world but continue to be a global leader. Once imagined, this new vision must be explained, diagramed and animated by people like today's Imagineers at Disney, and made tangible to taxpaying parents, grandparents and prospective parents. Perhaps a series of TV ads titled, 'America's Youth in School' would be a good place to start.

Without a clear vision of a new outlook and approach to educating our children that will drastically improve results, the education of our children is doomed to continue to be mediocre, their days spent in underfunded schools with underpaid teachers limping along as best they can. But if we can create a clear vision of a truly better approach and convince America of its merits, America will pay for it - we'll do anything for our kids.

Planting Seeds
In the same way that a parent hopes that their love for a team or school or profession will be shared by their children, so do professors hope that their love for academia will be shared by their students. The students most like the professors are the students most generously rewarded by the professors, who are hoping the students will become professors in their image. This is partly borne from individual ego, but mostly from a sincere belief that becoming a professor is the highest calling.

In this way academia begets academia and professors beget professors, as an oak drops millions of seeds hoping that one might take root and flourish. To that end, we have come to view high school as merely college prep, although more than a third of high school grads will not enroll in college and only a third of Americans have earned a college degree.

Whether we realize it or not, the entire educational structure in America is designed to produce professors on the top rung of the accomplishment ladder, doctors and lawyers on the rung below, business execs on the next rung down, and so on. Like any organic entity, education in America has learned how to perpetuate itself. And, like many organic entities, it does so with little or no regard for anything other than its needs, in this case dismissing the 35% of high school grads that won't go to college and another portion that wouldn't if they had other options.

Our public high schools must serve as much more than a free farm system
for (for-profit) universities and colleges.

Some will go to college - all will go through life.
Our first obligation to our youth is to give them the tools they'll need to be contributing members of society. This includes making sure they acquire skills like balancing budgets and applying for a job, but also helping them discover the things they have an aptitude or passion for. If that aptitude is for Classidemics, then high school will most likely also become college prep for them. If that aptitude is for New Tech, or The Arts, or Mechanics & Engineering, high school can be solely vocational and career prep for some students, and it can be college prep with an emphasis in the area of their intelligence for other students.

Additionally, we are obligated to provide our children and our teachers the resources required to insure that our students can not only succeed, but excel and rival students worldwide. The list of these resources is long and varied, including books, teacher's aides, software, computers and systems to interact with 'sister' classrooms across the globe.

In order for change to be effective it must be consistent. A national set of minimum requirements for high school graduation must be established and enforced by local school districts, who will continue to set local policies and curriculum that enhance and support the federal agenda.

We are all familiar with Jane. She is the server at your local 24/7 eatery that works the early morning shift and seems much more stressed than her two tables would dictate; it always seems like she's having a hard time, or a hard life.

In this world, she wasn't able to do well in school, and got labeled as dumb early on. Her only joy was once-a-week Art Class. By the time Jane was a sophomore she was so far behind classidemically that she stopped going to school and started hanging out with some people that used meth, and pretty soon she was strung out and pregnant. Like falling behind in school, Jane fell behind in life, never being able to make enough money or figure out how to budget what she was making. Her days became a series of overdue bills, tattered clothes and bullshit boyfriends. And now she wants to take your order, doing a job she is so afraid to lose that it actually makes her a lousy waitress.

In a different world, say the one over there -->, one of the Learning Issue Specialists that assist all the teachers identified Jane as being moderately dyslexic while still in elementary school and after months of work Jane learned to compensate and read well. She was then able to keep up with her class classidemically, albeit in the middle of the ol' bell. Meanwhile, Jane's ability to draw and paint was praised and encouraged throughout her school career.

In her Sophomore Life Prep Course Jane learned to make a household budget and balance it. She also learned about alcoholism and other addictions, pregnancy and STDs and ways to prevent them and how credit card interest works. Like her peers, upon successful completion of the Sophomore Life Prep Course she was permitted to choose one of four sets of directed studies for her junior and senior years: New Tech, Mechanical & Engineering, Classidemics and The Arts, which was no choice at all for Jane! And now she wants to take your order, doing a job she doesn't mind because she know she's good at it, working the early shift so she can take a couple classes at community college in the afternoon.

The nurturing of Jane's natural aptitude in her directed studies classes allowed her to develop good skills and confidence, so she looks forward to Tuesday and Thursday nights when she donates her time to do face painting for kids at the hospital and when she doesn't have to work on Saturday she makes a few extra dollars sketching caricatures at the Farmer's Market.

Acknowledging that Jane's story has been skewed for our purposes, that world over there --> sounds pretty nice. Jane is a happier, more productive citizen, and the more students there are like her, the fuller community bands and choirs will be, the bigger the increase in arts shows and community theater will be, the healthier your community will be.

In Part Three: We'll Be Amazed we hope to plant a seed of hope.

A graduate of Portland State University, Steve (Reeno) Kloser is the author of Beginning Band - A Guide to Success and Let's Make Music - Classroom Recorder Course. He is also an accomplished teacher, conductor and composer, having penned numerous pieces including La Vida and Fly With Me.

Teacher, cook, Packers fan and proud American, Reeno's usually slanted outlook often presents an unlikely perspective on issues old and new.

Reeno currently lives in Portland, OR.

Follow Reeno on Twitter

Some Will Go To College - All Will Go Through Life complete as a .pdf
School is for Winning
as a .pdf

Space Force One?
posted Aug 10, 18

Real News. Fake President.
posted Aug 06, 18

Mortgaging our Future
Time for an Education Revolution

posted Aug 02, 18

Booze - Yay!
posted Jul 29, 18

How About Some Age Limits?
posted Jul 24, 18

Too Much Forged in Fire?
posted Jul 17, 18

Tritler and the Party of Trump
posted Jul 11, 18

The Malicious Commish
posted Jul 02, 18

Gerry Mander and the Trumpettes
posted Jun 26, 18

The Tacet Underground
posted Jun 20, 18

All Hail the Chancellor
posted Jun 15, 18

Trump and the Big Leagues
posted Jun 11, 18

Bogus Commission on School Safety
posted Jun 08, 18

To Insure Promptness in the Age of Entitlement
posted May 31, 18

LBGTQ Housing
posted May 27, 18

Timeless Trump
posted May 24, 18

Being Mean to Kids!
posted May 22, 18

R.E.S.P.E.C.T. for Professors and Teachers
posted May 20, 18

School is for Winning
posted May 16, 18

The League You Need
posted May 12, 18

Just Login
posted May 09, 18

Seven Words
posted May 04, 18

Some Go To College - All Go Through Life pt1
posted Apr 20, 18

Some Go To College - All Go Through Life pt3
posted Apr 18, 18

Zombie Pedestrians
posted Apr 18, 18

Leaders in School
posted Apr 04, 18

Opiates - Hey Doc! A Little Help Please
posted Mar 19, 18

The Grass is NOT Always Greener
posted Mar 14, 18

Teachers and the Sun
posted Mar 13, 18

Can Social Media Contribute to Mental Health Issues?
posted Mar 08, 18

Hope - A Beautiful Sight
posted Feb 28, 18

All You Need is Love … and enough money
posted Feb 24, 18

Teachers and Guns
posted Feb 22, 18

posted Feb 21, 18

I don't (k)NO(w)
posted Feb 20, 18

posted Feb 18, 18

Helmet to Helmet HIts Must Go
posted Feb 06, 18

Software Abuse
posted Jan 15, 18
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